Are you speaking with them or to them?

Nothing much stuck from Etiquette lessons when I was in my teens (although I can still navigate the glassware and cutlery of a formal place setting despite not many opportunities to apply that lesson). There was one lesson however that stuck. I’m not sure why this one did over all others.

We were learning how to answer the phone / call someone. My teacher challenged me on the use of “speaking to” instead of “speaking with” someone.

Growing up in Brisbane, I’d only ever heard the phrase “speaking to” someone. As I thought about the difference in the feeling back then, I wasn’t thinking about power dynamics, psychological safety or leadership interactions. I hadn’t yet heard of service design or user experience, appreciative inquiry or intentions.

The difference in experience of someone being spoken to or spoken with however really resonated with me. Conversation I understood. As I’ve learned and experienced more, the simplicity of this example has stayed relevant through all my exploration of the theory.

As you lead today, check yourself - are you speaking with the person opposite you? Or speaking to them? #leadershift #leadership