How did it come to this?

"How did it come to this?" she asked, her voice heavy with defeat.

I was speaking with a smart, successful woman—a leader juggling motherhood and a demanding executive role during Melbourne’s COVID lockdown. That day, she was bouncing her two-year-old on her lap, her six-year-old tugging on her every 10 minutes while “schooling” beside her.

By any measure, she’d had a massive day: presenting to her leadership team, delivering a town hall briefing to hundreds, and preparing board papers. On top of that, she’d provided emotional support to her team, who were facing similar struggles. All of this while dealing with the chaos of "jugglehood"—with no childcare, school, or additional help to lean on. And she knew there were weeks more ahead.

As we talked, her exhaustion and frustration spilled out. We didn’t jump to problem-solving right away. Instead, we focused on what was working. What was she grateful for, even in the midst of it all? Slowly, she began to soften. Her breathing slowed. The tension in her shoulders eased.

We narrowed in on what she could control and influence, setting aside the long list of things she couldn’t. As she calmed, something remarkable happened: her children responded. They became less frantic and demanding, giggling and playing around her. Her newfound sense of calm was infectious.

From there, we moved from “Why me?” to “How?” With her mindset shifted, options began to flow. She wasn’t stuck anymore—she was ready to move forward.

This moment reminded me of a simple truth: creating capacity doesn’t always mean doing more. Sometimes it’s about stepping back, focusing on what’s possible, and approaching challenges with a sense of calm and curiosity.

If you’ve got friends or colleagues in similar circumstances, reach out for a conversation. Sometimes, all it takes is a moment to share the load, shift perspective, and move from overwhelmed to “How?”

And if you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself:

• Who can I talk with to help me move forward?
• What’s possible right now?
• How can I focus on what’s positive, even in the smallest ways?

Creating capacity starts with asking the right questions. Let’s all ask How? together.